ORCHARD PARK, NY – Remember when Gisele Bundchen complained after a Super Bowl loss that her then-husband Tom Brady couldn’t throw the ball to herself?

Josh Allen’s fiancée, actress Hailee Steinfeld, has a sparkling new ring on her finger and a special man who did it.

Allen scored two touchdowns on a single play Sunday night. He also scored a few other goals. And he barely played in the fourth quarter.

As six inches of snow fell at Highmark Stadium, the Bills defeated the San Francisco 49ers 35-10 to clinch their fifth straight AFC East championship with five games to play. Aside from special teams, the Bills’ performance was dominant, but Allen once again asserted himself as superhuman.

“Sunday night and it’s snowing in Orchard Park, anything can happen,” Bills right tackle Spencer Brown said. “When you have 17 on your team, the league MVP can pretty much do whatever he wants, and we’re okay with that.”

Buffalo coach Sean McDermott agrees, albeit grudgingly, with that sentiment that anything is possible. He said he closed his eyes with about six minutes left in the third quarter, with the points virtually guaranteed in a first-and-goal scenario, then Allen’s pleading look signaled receiver Amari Cooper to throw the ball in the slippery snow throw back to him.

“I was like, ‘Oh my God, here we go,'” McDermott said.

This is the most ridiculous thing we’ve ever seen.

📺: @SNFonNBC pic.twitter.com/LzaOt3MDLj

– Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) December 2, 2024

We’ve grown accustomed to watching Allen script great moments, like his impromptu 26-yard touchdown run on fourth-and-2 to beat the previously undefeated Kansas City Chiefs two weeks ago. After spending his break getting engaged to Steinfeld, he went back to courting MVP voters.

What he pulled Sunday night sent shivers down the spines of even the most seasoned Allen fans and left statisticians scratching their heads.

“You don’t really train these things,” Bills nickel player Taron Johnson said of Allen’s latest highlight. “Things like this just happen. You play backyard soccer. This is one of the greatest pieces I’ve seen this year. It was just a special piece. You can’t really prevent that.”

On first-and-goal from the 7-yard line and a 21-3 lead, the Bills took the lead on a straight snap from a tough set. Offensive lineman Alec Anderson reported as an eligible receiver and lined up at right end. Mack Hollins stood behind Anderson, with the winged Khalil Shakir next to them. Cooper split left.

A run seemed appropriate. The Niners defense faltered. At this point, James Cook already had 11 carries for 108 yards and a touchdown, while rookie Ray Davis had five attempts for 31 yards and a touchdown. Allen, Ty Johnson and Curtis Samuel combined for five carries and another 29 yards. That’s an average of 8.0 yards per rush.

Allen quickly threw into the left field, but the pass missed the target. Cooper spun around to make the difficult catch with his right hand, holding it tight to his body. Now Cooper had his back to the goal line. Three defenders pounced – or at least they should have.

Niners cornerback Renardo Green was there first. He hugged Cooper around the waist and drove him back a few yards while safety Malik Mustapha and linebacker Fred Warner were nearby. They waited for linesman Rusty Barnes to blow his whistle because Cooper appeared to have stopped.

“I thought the referee was going to blow the whistle because the receiver went backwards when he caught the ball,” Green said. “But he didn’t whistle. We didn’t continue playing.”

Like a basketball player following his bad foul shot, Allen’s instincts told him to follow up on his missed shot.

As Cooper was pushed back a few feet, Allen arrived.

Cooper: “I was wondering what he was doing there. That doesn’t normally happen when you throw a dart route like that.”

Allen: “We made eye contact…”

Cooper: “That’s it, yeah.”

Allen: “…and he just pitched it and I had to make a play. It was awesome.”

Mustapha broke away from Cooper and wrapped his right arm around Allen’s torso, but the Bills’ quarterback outgained Mustapha by seven inches and 31 pounds. Allen’s momentum threw him to the ground. He tucked the ball into his left elbow and walked past Warner toward the sideline.

At about the 4-yard line, Allen switched the ball to his right hand and sent it into the pylon, past linebacker Dee Winters (passing) and defensive lineman Robert Beal, for another extraordinary touchdown, giving the Bills a 28-3 lead took the lead with 5:58 left in the third quarter.

“Probably something you’ve seen in backyards all over Western New York or at least in Buffalo in the last 48 hours,” McDermott said. “I know my son was in the backyard playing with his buddies. Yesterday I just sat at the window and watched these guys.

“They all wish they could be Josh Allen and Amari Cooper, which I think is cool.”

How the unusual play should be recorded caused heated debate among veteran journalists in the press box, but the NFL has rules for how the score is to be scored.

Allen was credited with a passing touchdown (for throwing the ball) and a receiving touchdown (for crossing the goal line). Cooper received the reception (for catching the ball) for no gain.

“I wish he got credit for something there, an assist or a passing touchdown,” Allen said of Cooper’s primary assist.

Allen scored a traditional rushing touchdown early in the fourth quarter, giving him three touchdowns in two plays in 8:27. He became only the fourth player since the NFL-AFL merger to record a pass, rush and touchdown in the same game.

Allen’s screwball play forced the Bills to make a decision over the club record he broke for total touchdowns. He entered the game at 244, the same as Jim Kelly. Allen broke the record with a 13-yard touchdown toss to Mack Hollins in the second quarter and added a rushing touchdown in the fourth quarter.

How many does he have now? The Bills rightly went for 248. Although he only scored once in his play, the tally includes all passing/rushing/receiving TDs. After all, for every touchdown Allen threw, a receiver also got credit for scoring it. And if the Bills count receiving touchdowns in the combo tally (Allen caught one from Isaiah McKenzie against the Arizona Cardinals in 2020), then Sunday night’s result should also benefit him.

“That’s a cool statistic,” Allen said of breaking Kelly’s record. “That’s pretty much it. I’m just trying to be the best quarterback I can be for this Bills team.

“We have to find a way to get through the crisis.”

A crazy game or career record doesn’t say much about a team’s performance in the Lombardi Trophy at any given time, but what happened just before halftime could provide some insight.

Covered by still-falling snow that made throwing the slick ball difficult, the Bills found themselves on their own 3-yard line and already had a two-point lead with 3:31 left in the second quarter.

The Niners struggled to find their footing, especially with star tailback Christian McCaffrey sidelined with a knee injury. So the Bills could have played it safe, ran a few times, maybe gotten a first down, killed time and, worst case scenario, hit back and jogged indoors where it was warm and dry.

“It sucked,” Green said of the snowfall. “Everyone knows it sucked. Couldn’t really cut. It was difficult to find footing in the ground or set edges. It sucked, but both teams had to get through it and find a way to win.”

Buffalo was weatherproof. You could almost hear the crickets chirping, the kids running around in the sprinkler system and a lawnmower in the distance as the Bills strolled all over the field, gaining 97 yards in nine plays and needing just 2:50 to tie the game -Hollins score a touchdown and take a 21-3 lead.

“It was huge, especially considering they got the ball after halftime,” Allen said. “We were able to shorten the time and prevent a double dip from occurring.

“It was an opportunity to be really good at situational football and we did that.”

As unorthodox as Allen plays at times, his work points to an all-around great quarterback. Fast hits and long rides. Methodology and improvisation. Throws and runs and catches and – occasionally – sidesteps.

And even somehow throw touchdowns to himself.

(Top photo: Tina MacIntyre-Yee / Imagn Images)