HTwo things happened in quick succession lately: My oldest son opened his laptop and said, “Dad! There’s a new Snow White trailer!” And then, not two minutes later, he yelled, “Dad! These dwarves are TERRIBLE!”

Readers, it gives me no pleasure to inform you that Disney has done it again. Several decades after shaping the animation industry as we know it with exquisite, characterful and cutting-edge feature-length fairy tales that are still rightly considered classics, she has decided to pull out some hot, fat crap. As the years of advice my son now requires will tell you, there is a trailer for Disney’s new live-action film, Snow White. And it’s beyond terrible.

What’s so terrible about that, you may ask? Well, there’s the fact that after the 1937 Snow White film and the 1961 Snow White film and the 1969 sex comedy The New Adventures of Snow White and the 1987 Snow White and 1997 Snow White: A Tale of Terror and The Brothers Grimm from 2005, Mirror Mirror from 2012 and Snow White and the Huntsman from 2012’s and 2016’s Huntsman: Winter’s War – plus all the various books, plays, operas, TV shows and video games centered around Snow White – there’s not really much meat left on the bone.

Even more pressing, however, is the fact that this new Snow White is arguably the ugliest thing ever put on screen. It treats the animals Snow White finds in the forest with the same photorealistic CGI used in the recent remake of The Lion King, turning helpful forest creatures into literal vermin. And then there are the dwarves. My God, the dwarves.

I try to avoid using the term “nightmare fuel” if possible, but yes, the design of the new dwarves feels like something intentionally shown to prisoners of war to break their spirit. It’s hard to even describe them. I think, and I could be wrong, that the film used modern computer animation tactics to portray the dwarves from the 1937 film as lifelike as possible. But just because they could, doesn’t mean they should have.

The new Snow White gnomes look like someone sneaked into Disneyland, grabbed the statues from Snow White’s Enchanted Wish, and wrapped them in human flesh like a serial killer would with a gift for his mother. They look like something a seaside cartoonist would draw of someone he openly hated. They look like animatronic figures that were struck by lightning and came to life before the fire was put out. They look like someone shaved the Sonic the Hedgehog from the first Sonic the Hedgehog trailer that everyone hated. What’s most impressive, however, is that they somehow manage to seem extremely racist despite not being racist at all. Nightmare fuel.

We should be used to that by now. At this point, in its ongoing attempt to denigrate everything anyone ever liked about it, Disney has ruined several classic animations with hideous CGI. Tim Burton took Dumbo and turned it into an Athena poster drawn by John Wayne Gacy. The Lion King made the animals so lifelike that they lost all facial expression. The Little Mermaid took Sebastian the crab and literally transformed him into a real crab, not traditionally known for its reassuringly jaunty appearance.

But Snow White represents a new low. Until now, the prevailing theory was that Disney launched its campaign of live-action remakes to expand copyright on its characters and prevent them from entering the public domain. But after seeing the new Snow White gnomes, I think there’s something even more diabolical going on. I now think that Disney makes these ugly movies so that in the future, when anyone thinks of making their own Snow White movie, they will automatically be haunted by visions of that movie’s bulbous, cruel hell dwarves so busy crying and vomiting, that they immediately abandon the idea. At this point, that’s the only logical conclusion.

Based on this trailer, if all was right in the world, Snow White would be locked away forever like The Day the Clown Cried. From the looks of it, it will hit theaters next March and frighten a generation of young children in the same way that Return to Oz did us. The upside, however, is that now I can threaten my son with something new: clean your room, boy, or I’ll make you watch the trailer again. Honestly, it’s that bad.