Let nothing trouble you: The comfort and joy of “Die Hard” in the bloody Netflix series “Black Doves”

Let nothing trouble you: The comfort and joy of “Die Hard” in the bloody Netflix series “Black Doves”

Every culture has its confusing holiday traditions. One thing that never gets old for Americans is the argument about Christmas movies. Although set in London, Netflix action thriller Black Doves presents its version of this debate as two assassins and a civilian discuss their favorite Christmas movies to pass the time.

“The Santa Clause,” Tim Allen’s famous ho-ho holiday film, earns some respect from one of the trigger men, Eleanor (Gabrielle Creevy). “The Holiday,” Nancy Meyers’ gentle love story between Americans and Brits, is considered trash. Given the tone and genre of the series, you might expect the transformation to devolve into the age-old “Die Hard” debate – but series creator Joe Barton is even smarter.

At the heart of this playful, pointless argument is whether John McClane’s end-of-year vacation is a Christmas movie or not. Barton writes all six episodes of his deadly spy game as an argument that it – and every other damned celebratory spectacle – can do without omitting any titles or catchphrases.

However, nowadays the audience’s playful debates on this topic are little more than ritual pantomime. Christmas action movies are pretty much a legitimate subgenre that they fit into easily.

Black Doves invites us to experience the story of Helen Webb (Keira Knightley), devoted wife of high-ranking government official Wallace Webb (Andrew Buchan) and mother of adorable twins.

Wallace is a solid, morally sound politician in a nest of corruption. He loves his family and is as sexually arousing as unbuttered toast, but he is reliable. Helen is slim, attractive, cheerful and makes Wallace look like a future prime minister.

Black pigeonsBlack Doves (Netflix)The world thinks she is a housewife. The reality is that she is a spy for the series’ eponymous organization, selling the secrets of the rich and powerful to the highest bidder. Her work is supported by a supervisor named Reed (Sarah Lancashire). Her best friend Sam (an excellent Ben Whishaw) is a sad assassin who longs for his lost love.

Helen also has a secret lover named Jason (Andrew Koji), who, to the misfortune of all Londoners who count on peace on earth and gentle mercy, is killed along with other seemingly ordinary people. Hearing this ignites Helen’s murderous rampage, and before the first episode fades to black, she trades making Christmas pudding for a knife fight that ends with her covered in a stranger’s blood.

This story pitch reads like it’s designed to get the all-powerful streaming algorithm going – “Make it ‘The Long Kiss Good Night’, only with the dream girl from ‘Love Actually’!” Sure, Why not? When ranking holiday movies that cause violent disagreements, Love Actually ranks pretty high on the list. And Helen’s life has a lot in common with that of Geena Davis’ heroine in “The Long Kiss Good Night.” In this shoot-’em-up – one of my favorite films and that of Samuel L. Jackson – Davis is introduced as a devoted mother, community pillar and teacher named Samantha Caine.

Only, Oopsie DoodleDue to a severe blow to the head, Samantha forgot that she is actually a CIA-trained secret agent. Her real name is Charly Baltimore.

This story pitch reads like it’s designed to get the all-powerful streaming algorithm going – “Make it ‘The Long Kiss Good Night’, only with the dream girl from ‘Love Actually’!”

When it comes to debates about Love Actually, it’s all about the quality of its schmaltz. Everyone accepts that this is a Christmas romance. In contrast, the weakest arguments against assigning Jingle Bell designations to “Die Hard,” “Lethal Weapon,” “The Long Kiss Good Night,” and “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” adhere to Hallmark’s definition of what constitutes a holiday movie meant to be.

Such trials are usually minor and surmountable. Ideas that everything is lost, many misunderstandings. Everything is solved when Christmas Day comes around and there is enough time to gather around the roasted beast.

But anyone who can, say, quote signature lines from Lethal Weapon and other crazy mayhem realizes that these films follow that structure almost to a cranberry. The biggest deviation lies in the scale of the conflict: its heroes want to save their nations or the world. Saving their private lives is secondary, although often central to the success of their mission. Nothing motivates a person like love. If a few evildoers are wiped out in this day-long Festivus festival, that’s a great bonus.

For those of us who feel the annual pull of loneliness and fatigue or, for whatever reason, can’t quite turn our joy switches to “on,” these films are reassuring. All of the great modern Christmas action classics show us heroes pretending to be something they aren’t at first, before going through a crucible that brings them closer to their true selves.

Black pigeonsBlack Doves (Netflix)So does “Black Doves,” a six-part joyride through the longest nights of the holiday season, a time when Helen’s handler, Reed, passes down deadly orders while wrapping presents or, in one scene, strolling through a Christmas tree lot. Many criminals die, but the emotional climax of the finale is a turkey feast marred by neither screaming nor tears.


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This ensures the legitimacy of the term “Christmas entertainment” by definition. Not only does “Black Doves” end on December 25th, but like the great Christmas storms before it, it ends in the spirit of its festivities.

However, the understanding we are left with is that this peace is only temporary. (Netflix confirmed this by greenlighting it for a second season ahead of its debut.) This is the eternal benefit of all holiday action movies – their admission that the glittery and relentlessly cheerful mood surrounding this season is artificial. It’s tinsel.

Watching their bloodied, injured heroes emerge from the burning piles of rubble they have created amidst so much forced hilarity can lift our morale from the humbug doldrums. Everything appears as if everything was normal again. Everyone’s problems appear disappear. At least for a little while, it feels okay to have hope again, the energy we need to prepare for whatever the sequels have in store.

All six episodes of the first season of Black Doves are streaming on Netflix.

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