Lilly Jay reflects on the aftermath of her marriage to Ethan Slater ending.

In an essay for The Cut published on Thursday, December 18, Jay, a clinical psychologist who specializes in perinatal mental health and child development, wrote about Slater’s relationship with him Evil Co-star Ariana Grande (though she doesn’t mention the pop star by name) following her breakup and the difficulties that ensued.

Many of Jay’s words also relate to her life as a mother to her and Slater’s two-year-old son in the context of their divorce. She explained, “I learned that motherhood takes up your time, but not your mind.”

“In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, and marveling at his sweaty little hands gripping a crayon, I am diligently working on my private project, the sudden public demise of my marriage to accept,” Jay continued. “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.”

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She added, “Slowly but surely I have come to believe that without the life I had planned with my high school sweetheart, there is a life full of sweetness waiting for me and my child.”

Slater, 32, and Grande, 31, began dating after his split from Jay earlier this year and after her split from ex-husband Dalton Gomez.

The Broadway actor’s divorce from Jay was finalized in September, 12 years after they began dating and nearly six years after their wedding in November 2018. (Their son was born in August 2022.

At the beginning of her essay, Jay admitted, “No one gets married thinking about getting divorced, just like we don’t get on a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thought I would get a divorce. Especially not right after the birth of my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.

“In this time of shock and grief, over a year after the end of my marriage became public, I deeply miss the life of invisibility that I created for myself as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health,” she continued .

Regarding the controversy, Jay wrote that “people from her past have come forward to say they saw my face in a tabloid.” But on the other hand, their “patients remained silent.”

“At the children’s hospital, my invisibility was a welcome protection from tough conversations for me and my patients,” she also said. “And while I’m still a believer in following my patients’ orders and not knowing what parts of my personality will resonate with them, the publicity I haven’t agreed to feels more and more like a challenge.” And a chance.”

“If I’m discovered – as what, as vulnerable? – this could perhaps be a connection rather than a clinical burden,” she continued.

Jay admitted that she “feared that loss of control and postpartum depression would destroy me throughout her adult life” – which it ultimately did. But she insisted she was “fine.”

“When I can no longer be invisible, I can also introduce myself,” she added. “You know how a sponge absorbs liquid most effectively when it’s already a little wet? Maybe we can reflect on my messy, not-so-personal life in this way: a dose of my own loss, my anger, my powerlessness, my sadness that helps.” I hold yours.

She also wrote about co-parenting: “While our partnership has changed, our parenting has not. We both love our son 100 percent, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”