Early in their relationship, Danielle Rupright spoke to her boyfriend, Shawn West, who was raised Methodist, about how much she valued her Jewish faith and culture.

“I said, ‘It’s important to me that I raise my children as Jews,'” she remembers. “And he replied, ‘It’s important to me that my children grow up to explore things and ask questions.’ ”

One marriage and two children later, the Wests are now raising their children, ages 12 and 16, in an interfaith household.

And on Wednesday, Christmas Day, a tree and menorah will be the focal point of their Marshall Township home.

For the first time since 2005, Christians – the world’s largest religion with 2.4 billion believers – are celebrating the birth of their savior, while Jews mark the start of Hanukkah, an eight-night festival of lights commemorating the Maccabees’ rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after they were in the 2nd century B.C. BC had defeated the Syrians

For Danielle West, 46, now community engagement director for the Jewish Federation of Greater Pittsburgh, December is all about Hanukkah. But her husband, who has secular leanings and believes primarily in science and history, still lays claim to December 25th.

“He supports us in having a Jewish home 364 days a year – but Christmas is a gift for him,” she said. “And I love my Christmas tree.”

Mixing traditions

Before 2005, the last two holidays were in 1921 and 1959. This will happen again in 2035 and then in 2054.

The overlap between calendars presents some tricky situations for interfaith couples.

The population of this group is growing in the United States. According to the Pew Research Center, a nonpartisan think tank, nearly one in four marriages in the U.S. are now considered interfaith.

An official with the Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh estimates that one in three Roman Catholic adults living in the Pittsburgh area are in an interfaith marriage.

Among the roughly 50,000 Jews in Allegheny, Beaver, Butler, Washington and Westmoreland counties, the percentage is even higher.

In 2017, nearly half of married Jews in the Pittsburgh area married someone of a different faith, according to a Brandeis University study.

For some who live in the Pittsburgh area, the Dec. 25 calendar conundrum offers less either-or choices and more opportunities to combine traditions and cultural backgrounds.

“Christmas is so much easier to celebrate,” laughed Andrew Baton-Soffietti, 35, a union carpenter from Pittsburgh’s Highland Park neighborhood who describes himself as “culturally Jewish” and married a biracial Mennonite woman in 2015.

“Since none of us are truly religious, we choose the details of the holidays guilt-free.”

Chrismukkah

Elan Mizrahi is used to enduring the back and forth between Christmas and Hanukkah.

But this week, for the first time in more than a decade, Mizrahi didn’t drive on the Pennsylvania Turnpike to celebrate Christmas at his in-laws’ home in New Jersey.

Instead, the Pittsburgh-based photographer flew to Florida, home to three generations of Jews: Mizrahi and his wife Vanessa, who converted to Judaism; the couple’s 3-year-old daughter; and his parents – will light menorah candles on Christmas Day.

“If we had gone back to New Jersey, we wouldn’t have been able to celebrate with my parents,” said Mizrahi, 35, of Polish Hill. “We want my daughter to be part of Vanessa’s family celebration and for her to enjoy it. It’s a good time with the family…but we’re Jewish.”

Some don’t choose one over the other. You mix them up.

The concept of “Chrismukkah,” a made-up word that combines the names of the two winter holidays, originated in and around Germany in the 19th century. However, the idea gained widespread traction in 2003 when a character on the television series “OC” celebrated the holiday to represent her interfaith upbringing.

In 2007, another mix of holiday names – “Chrismahanukwanzakah” – appeared in a Virgin Mobile commercial.

A search for “Chrismukkuh” on Amazon last week returned nearly 300 items. The online retail giant sold more than 500 “Christmukkah-inspired yarmulkes,” a Jewish head covering in the colors and decorations of Santa Claus, last month.

Although some celebrate “Chrismukkah” every year, it will be another 11 years before December 25 in the Gregorian calendar and the first night of Hanukkah – 25 Kislev 5785 in the 354-day Hebrew calendar – overlap again.

Easier without children

Abbey Farkas and Amanda Burns of Pittsburgh’s Observatory Hill neighborhood haven’t mixed their traditions so brazenly.

Farkas, who is Jewish and uses they/them pronouns, grew up celebrating Jewish holidays in Squirrel Hill around a dinner table often attended by family friends, neighbors and acquaintances who were Christians. Burns grew up in a largely secular, “culturally Christian” household in Berks County.

After meeting while attending Penn State more than a decade ago, the queer couple married in 2018.

Burns admits that it “took a while to grow into Farkas’ Jewish traditions,” especially when attending services. But the December holidays don’t seem to provoke her family, however mixed up.

“There’s more tension about where we’re going to spend Thanksgiving than about where we’re going to spend Christmas and Hanukkah,” said Farkas, 35, who has worked as a videographer since returning from Washington, D.C., about six years ago.

“Amanda and I don’t have children and have no intention of having children — and that made the conversations infinitely easier,” Farkas said. “For me it’s about sharing cultural experiences with nephews and nieces.”

“And with me!” Burns intervened.

Latkes and mussels

Baton-Soffietti, the carpenter from Highland Park, grew up in an interfaith household. His mother is Jewish; his father, who was raised as a Christian, is not religious.

“I don’t really celebrate the Jewish holidays, but I have a mezuzah that guards my house,” he said, referring to a piece of parchment with Torah verses in a small box attached to the doorposts of many Jewish households.

His wife Nia – Swahili for “purpose” – was raised Mennonite by a black mother and white father. It was named after the fifth day of Kwanzaa, an annual celebration of African-American culture from December 26th to January 1st.

The family often shuttles their children, ages 4 and 6, between opening Christmas presents at Nia’s parents’ home in Highland Park and sitting with Andrew’s mother as she lights the menorah in the city’s Park Place neighborhood.

Thanks to the 2024 calendar, this Christmas-Hanukkah season could produce an interesting meal plan.

Growing up, Nia’s family celebrated Christmas Eve with the Feast of the Seven Fishes, a holiday meal popular among Italian-Americans.

They eat mussels on December 25th.

“It’s kind of become our most fervent Christmas tradition,” she said. “If you start the day with that much protein, I don’t care how much candy you eat.”

So on Wednesday, the family celebrates Christmas morning with freshly cooked clams and then heads to Andrew’s parents’ house for a holiday meal that might include lighting a menorah and eating fried potato latkes.

Traditionally, fried foods have a place on the Hanukkah table, reflecting what Jews consider a miracle that enabled a small group of warriors thousands of years ago to light a menorah for eight days using just a day’s supply of oil.

While the baton soffietti exchanges gifts on Christmas morning, there will be no appearances from Elf on the Shelf or Santa Claus.

“It’s more about being good because I’m in charge, not about mythical creatures,” Nia said.

Bringing people together

The Rev. Terry O’Connor grew up in Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh’s center of Jewish life, in an interfaith family – his father, the late Bob O’Connor, Pittsburgh’s 58th mayor, was Catholic; his mother, Judy, was Jewish.

“I think as a child we had the best of both worlds,” O’Connor, 55, pastor of Mary, Mother of God Parish, said of the mix of faiths during his childhood. “I just grew up with it. I wasn’t baptized until I was 19, so it was natural for me. And I think it was a blessing to bring my family together in that way.”

O’Connor has a busy week ahead of him.

His congregation, which includes members from four churches in the Mon Valley, will hold seven Christmas Masses on Tuesday and Wednesday. Three priests, including O’Connor, will lead the services.

On Tuesday evening – Christmas Eve – O’Connor will enjoy a less spiritually defined side of the holiday: a party at his parents’ house with guests of various faiths.

The annual gathering — “which I have always referred to as the United Nations,” O’Connor said — was created years ago, before his father died of brain cancer in September 2006, just eight months after his inauguration.

On Christmas Day, O’Connor, who prefers to be called “Father Terry,” celebrates at the Point Breeze home of his brother Corey O’Connor — the Allegheny County comptroller and former Pittsburgh city councilman who recently announced a bid for the mayor’s office.

“For me, the focus on the spiritual end of things is the birth of our Lord,” O’Connor told TribLive.

“But the mixing is the beauty of it,” O’Connor added, “and I’m always happy to be able to bring Catholic and Jewish people together for the holidays.”