The house in Morristown, New Jersey is illuminated by a sparkling Christmas tree. It’s decorated with ornaments – a snowman, tiny homemade frames with pictures of the children and something a little unusual – two Stars of David made from blue-painted popsicle sticks.

Red Christmas stockings hang from the mantel, with what the children call blue “Hanukkah stockings” next to them. Under the tree are an Advent calendar and gifts as well as menorahs and a collection of dreidels.

Petra Wiehe Lieberman is Christian and her husband Lance Lieberman is Jewish. This year, the first night of Hanukkah falls on Christmas, meaning many interfaith homes — like Lieberman’s — will celebrate both holidays. Some have even called the confluence of the holidays Chrismukkah.

For children this can mean preferably Week full of sweet treats, full of lights and maybe even lots of presents. But for parents trying to juggle two very different traditions with meaning, it can be difficult.

Interfaith families continually decide how to embrace two traditions while respecting the unique—and sometimes conflicting—meanings and teachings that each brings.

“It’s about honoring family and that the traditions are really important because of our connection to our family and our heritage,” Petra said.

Mixing traditions

Petra and Lance chose to mix the two faiths – not just for winter celebrations, but all year round. Petra serves on the board of her family’s synagogue and also teaches Sunday school at her church. Her oldest child is preparing for his bar mitzvah and is also attending a Christian summer camp.

When Petra and Lance got together, neither of them wanted to give up their religion. And for a while it was okay. But when they had children, they knew they had to make some decisions.

“When we agreed to get married … I wanted her to agree to raise the children Jewish,” Lance said.

But Petra’s faith was important to her and neither Petra nor Lance were willing to give up their religion or entertain the idea of ​​passing it on to their children.

“It would be dishonest to say that this has only ever been a joyful journey for both of us. I think we both feel a sense of loss at times,” Petra said. But she also added: “I feel like what I’ve won is so much more. And that we both needed to practice our independent traditions more consciously.”

Lance Lieberman said his interfaith marriage left him feeling like he had lost something and gained something.

“There is a sense of loss, and it’s a little strange because the person who may really be responsible for that loss is your best friend and wife. And the same goes for them,” he said.

“It’s like going to someone’s birthday party.”

Rabbi Robyn Frisch of the nonprofit organization 18 doors works with people in interfaith relationships – especially when one half of the couple is Jewish. She said it is common for the Jewish partner to care about maintaining Judaism in their home. One reason is that while children may adopt cultural aspects of Christianity, they are less likely to adopt the same cultural aspects of Judaism, Frisch said.

“For Jews, no matter where you grew up, chances are you were in the minority in a very Jewish area,” Frisch said. “I think for Jews it can feel very threatening and a sense of really giving in to the majority culture and losing who you are and that unique part of yourself.”

Frisch said while some families are taking the blended approach, many families are celebrating the holidays separately. This can look in different ways, such as observing different faith traditions at different times or storing different holiday items in different rooms.

Frisch said some couples see this as a way to honor their partner’s tradition, but recognize that it is not their own.

“It’s about accompanying someone in their celebration. It’s like going to someone’s birthday party – you know it’s not their birthday, but you’re celebrating,” Frisch said.

Not integrating, but sticking together

Rev. Emily Brewer and Eric Eingold are an interfaith couple in Brooklyn. Emily told Eric on their first date that she was studying to become a Christian minister. Usually such revelations made the first date awkward, but not for Eric. “I thought it was really cool.”

As Emily prepared for her calling, she preached as a guest in the city and Eric attended church services to support her.

“It kind of laid the foundation for us to be there for each other with curiosity and interest,” Emily said. “And I think we tried to set that tone as we engaged with each other’s faith traditions.”

After deciding to get married and start a family, Emily and Eric went to premarital counseling so they could think specifically about how they wanted to build a home and family.

“It was really important to us to have a child who grew up with both traditions and sees them as different and can one day choose one, reject both and figure out how to integrate them or hold them together in their own way.” Maybe not integrate but stay together,” Emily said.

They have a four-year-old son who is learning about Judaism and Christianity. Emily and Eric said he is beginning to understand what it means to be part of an interfaith home, but he is still too young to truly understand the differences.

“He knows that I am a Christian and that Eric is Jewish. He knows he is both.” But I don’t know if he really pays attention to the fact that we do different things on these holidays,” Emily said.

“It’s like he just understands everything,” Eric said.

Merry Christmas and Hanukkah Sameach

This year Emily will lead services on Christmas Eve Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church in Brooklyn. The next morning, the family gets up early and flies to Tennessee to be with Emily’s relatives with their Hanukkah menorah in tow.

“We will probably have our traditional Christmas dinner there. And then… by sunset we will have packed our Hanukkah (Hanukkah Menorah) – Eric’s Hanukkah – and a few candles. And we’re going to celebrate Hanukkah there,” Emily said.

Eric said they also play dreidel together.

For interfaith families, the quiet decisions they make about their children’s education are much more public this week. Is there a tree or a menorah in the window? Do they and their children pray Mass or recite Hebrew blessings? And will they say “Merry Christmas” or “Hanukkah Sameach”? This year it’s probably both.