Dylan Buell. Getty Images.

While the idea may seem cruel, a fired head coach is one of the best gigs in the world. Now former Kings coach Mike Brown is experiencing that feeling for the fourth time in his professional career, the most recent departure following an extension over the summer. The man is living his dream and gets paid handsomely for doing absolutely nothing. Even Mintzy has to do more than Mike Brown right now.

I bring this up because if you are a head football coach who just received a sizable salary and no longer wants to do your job while still collecting said money, then please follow the example of one Zac Taylor. Soon enough, you won’t be given any more responsibilities, but you’ll still get a paycheck.

Yesterday the Bengals played a must-win game against the Denver Broncos. A loss would eliminate them from playoff contention, while a win would keep their hopes alive heading into Week 18. Now let’s provide some additional context as to why you should listen to Taylor’s approach. This may be confusing, but I just know I’m right.

The Bengals were tied with the Broncos at 17 with less than two minutes to play. Joe Burrow found Ja’Marr Chase for a crucial 3rd down conversion that gave Cincy a 1st-and-goal at the 6-yard line with 1:39 left. Denver called its second timeout to stop the clock, although looking at the numbers there wasn’t really much they could do if the Bengals handled the next few plays properly.

Now the children gather together, let’s do a short math lesson for everyone. One minute and 39 seconds equals a total of 99 seconds. The music box is 40 seconds long. If you line up for a delayed knee, you’ll waste about three seconds running.

1st and goal to 6: Kneel down. 3 seconds pass. Denver’s final timeout. 1:36 left.

2nd and goal at the 8: Kneel down. 3 seconds pass. Full game clock is running. 53 seconds left.

3rd and goal at the 10: kneel down. 3 seconds pass. Full game clock is running. 10 seconds left.

4th and goal at the 12: shoot the field goal with 7 seconds left.

Two 40 second music boxes = 80 seconds

Three delayed squats = 9 seconds.

Field goal attempt = 3 seconds.

80+9+3=92

What does it all mean? If you kick the ball three times at the end of the game, you will have scored the game-winning field goal approximately seven seconds before the end of the game clock. I want to add a few more ticks for plays that weren’t exactly snapped with 0 seconds left, then let’s definitely make it 10 seconds. Without timeouts, if you screw up the situation, then you don’t deserve to win anyway.

Again, given the situation, there is absolutely no need to do any kind of actual play. So what did Taylor do? He co-directed it with Chase Brown.

Yes, Brown was told not to score on that play, but do you know what happened when he slipped in front of the end zone? He hurt himself. That forced the Bengals to call a timeout with less than two minutes left and stop the clock to escort him off the field. Why run it at all? Not only did you cause your running back to get injured, but you also put yourself in a situation where the Broncos would get the ball back with time running out. Now unable to run the clock down, Burrow sneakily ran in a touchdown on the next play, leaving Denver with 1:29 and a timeout to try to make something happen.

Bo Nix made a difference.

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“But Hubbs, Cade York sucks and he missed a 33-yard chip throw in OT. Why are you begging for them to kick?”

First of all, hindsight is 20/20 bullshit. In this attempt, York were 4/4 from inside 40 and 15/16 with XPs this season. At this point there are no concerns about sending him there for such a short experiment. Remember, they were clearly playing for the field goal by bringing down Brown on the first score. Why they let the whole thing go instead of slowing it down is not clear to me. It is a malpractice in clock management by an experienced head coach. With your season on the line, it’s dangerous, especially considering what happened with the Bengals this year.

Sure, the Bengals won the game in overtime and kept their hopes alive, but that was completely unnecessary. It’s one of the least deserved wins I’ve seen for an NFL head coach in some time. Now Chase Brown has a severe ankle sprain as a reward for his stupidity. Congratulations!

I realize the MVP will go to either Josh Allen or Lamar Jackson, but for Joe Burrow to get this team to 8-8 despite historically poor defense and this type of coaching maneuvering from Taylor is simply remarkable. I thought the success Rodgers had with McCarthy was as impressive as it gets given the head coach’s failings, but Burrow going to the Super Bowl with that idiot might be the deciding factor. There’s no way you can bring Taylor back next year if you’re serious about maximizing Burrow’s talent. Unfortunately, the Bengals ownership is about as cheap as it gets and would puke at the idea of ​​paying two coaches at the same time. I’m sorry, Joe.

And yes, I had Broncos +3.5 so I’m really venting here, but damn, Zac Taylor sucks at his job.