Peter Kujawinski is happy with the twist he’s put on his family’s “super-cheesy Christmas family pajamas” tradition this year.

“I haven’t told anyone about this,” he said. “But I ordered Hanukkah pajamas because you have to take advantage of (Hanukkah) being on the same day.”

For Peter, 50, who was raised Roman Catholic, and his wife Nancy Kujawinski, who grew up in a Reform Jewish family, Hanukkah, which begins on Christmas Day, brings their two already intertwined traditions even closer together.

The Lincoln Square couple and their three children are among a growing number of American families who belong to more than one religion. The rise in intermarriage is particularly pronounced among American Jews: A Pew Research survey conducted several years ago found that about 42% of U.S. Jews were married to people who are not Jewish — and among Jewish people who have married since 2010 61% of these marriages were with people of other faiths.

The holidays can mean difficult decisions for these families, said Samira Mehta, a scholar of interfaith family life at the University of Colorado at Boulder. But, she said, most people in interfaith marriages enter into their partnership with mutual respect for each other’s traditions. Ideally, this respect is reflected in how a family celebrates the holidays in December and the rest of the year.

“I really don’t think it matters what any individual interfaith family decides to do,” she said. “I think it’s important that they make the decision in a respectful way.”

The Kujawinskis opted for an all-inclusive approach to their vacation, starting with the traditional Polish fish dinner and oplatki, traditional Christmas waffles, on Christmas Eve. They end Christmas Day by lighting the first candle of their menorah. Nancy, 47, thought about making a batch of latkes and thought, “I’m not going to burn them or smoke them out of the kitchen.”

“We view trying to maneuver between two religions as something that is difficult or will be challenging, and there is a lot of that,” Peter said.

But combining and creating traditions also brings a lot of joy, he continued.

The Kaplans: Integrating family traditions and anchoring your self-confidence

When Andrew Kaplan first attended Mass with his future wife’s family, he faced a steep learning curve. Andrew, 32, didn’t know what the proper etiquette was for someone who didn’t want to take communion and had to think quickly as the faithful lined up for wafers and a sip of wine.

“I just laid on the bench and let people walk by because I didn’t know where to go,” he said. “I think Natalia was embarrassed. I just had no idea.”

Most of the Kaplans’ efforts to integrate their Roman Catholic and Reform Jewish backgrounds went much more smoothly than this mass, which they laughingly described as “Seinfeld-esque.”

They were married by both a priest and a rabbi and commute from Deerfield to a couples dialogue group at the Family School, a dual religious school that focuses on interfaith families. They are raising their son with both holidays, both types of traditional foods, and religious upbringing from both backgrounds.

This year they celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Natalia’s family for dinner, carols and church services. On Wednesday, “we thought about maybe bringing a menorah and having everyone share in it,” she said.

Natalia, 32, said if she had married another Catholic, faith may not have played such an important role in her life.

“The fact that I married Andy meant that I had to put a lot more effort and intention into my religious practices and traditions,” she said. “You have someone asking you what does that mean, why are you doing this?”

“There’s a lot more introspection,” Andrew said. “I think that the interfaith relationship has strengthened my relationship with Judaism.”

The Weinsteins: Common Ethics of All Faiths

Lainey Weinstein and her family will celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah in many of the typical ways: They’ll spend Wednesday with Weinstein’s mother, who raised her Catholic, and make sure to attend a performance of “The Nutcracker” at the Joffrey Ballet. They have hosted a Hanukkah party every year for more than a decade, although most of the attendees are not Jewish themselves and a Catholic family friend oversees the latke-making.

The family also volunteers Christmas morning at the St. James Food Pantry in the Douglas neighborhood, along with families from Kenwood Synagogue KAM Isaiah Israel, where Weinstein, 54, sits on the board, and Old St. Mary’s School on Near South Side, where her daughters went to primary school.

This tradition, Weinstein said, “is really rooted in both religions when it comes to serving and repairing the world.”

Weinstein and her family focus more on finding common morals and ethics in their religious life than on theology.

“I don’t know if God is really pushing this,” she said. “I find community in both faiths. My family finds community in both faiths.”

Steve Hunter and Family: A Jewish Home Where a Christian Lives

Steve Hunter’s house is “a Jewish home where a Christian lives.”

Hunter, 62, is a Presbyterian and sings in the choir at Lincoln Park Presbyterian Church. He also keeps kosher at home. On the Jewish High Holidays, he fasts and attends services with his wife, a Conservative Jew, and 23-year-old daughter Sarah Hunter, who also identifies as Jewish.

Although religion was a “huge” discussion for him and his wife when they met and considered marriage, Steve Hunter said, “It never occurred to me that she would have a problem with a Christmas tree.”

Steve, on the other hand, had grown up in a house where “every square inch was decorated and had the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Hallelujah Choir.”

So the arrival of a Christmas tree was the result of a compromise, he said. They put Hanukkah lights on it.

The family also exchanges gifts for both holidays, although Steve is frustrated that Christmas has “become this huge marketing campaign.”

“Our decorations are definitely a little different than your average Christmas decorations,” Sarah said. But, she said, the approach works for her.

“I feel like we found a way to keep (celebrate) my Jewish values, but also allow my dad to express his faith,” she said.

Despite American Jewry’s historical skepticism toward intermarriage, the idea that an intermarried family like the Hunters can lead a robust Jewish life is gaining acceptance. The Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion, the leading seminary for Reform Jewish clergy, announced in June that it would accept and ordain intermarried students, acknowledging that “many Jewish individuals with non-Jewish partners…are deeply engaged in this Jewish community life.” and people.”

And the attitude that a tradition like a Christmas tree intrudes on a family’s religious identity is also changing, Mehta said: “As one rabbi put it to me, it would be a really anemic Jewish life that would be threatened by three weeks of twinkling lights.” .” ”

Lynnette Li and John Rappaport: Following their children

Lynnette Li describes her decision to marry outside of evangelical Christianity as “probably my greatest act of defiance.”

Li, 44, and her husband, John Rappaport, a Jewish law professor at the University of Chicago, met in high school and were best friends, but “originally the idea of ​​becoming a couple was completely off the table because of our nature “educated.”

Vacations with extended family have caused some tension in the past, she said. They keep their holiday celebrations with their nuclear family, “so we don’t have other people’s pressures or expectations.”

They try to answer their children’s questions about their dual identities as they grow up and are open to the many religious possibilities that their background brings.

“We told them, ‘Yes, you’re Jewish, you’re Chinese, your mother’s family are evangelical Christians,'” she said. “Whatever you want to explore, we’ll help you explore.”

Their children’s interests have dictated their holiday traditions. They didn’t have a Christmas tree for the first few years of their children’s lives, until the family came across one on a street in Hyde Park.

“I’ll never forget the feeling of their eyes getting really big and how loud they were panting,” Li said. “It came from their awe.”

They eat latkes and Nutella donuts and bless the menorah at Hanukkah, and on Christmas itself they go out for Chinese food and movies. Li’s 12-year-old daughter recently started Hebrew school after she said, “Jewish people know how to see through a bad thing and see what might be hopeful about it.” (Li’s response: “I thought, ‘Who are you? Why are you so wise?’”)

Late one afternoon in December, Li sat at a table with about a dozen others for a workshop at KAM Isaiah Israel titled “Is My Home Still Jewish If I Have a Christmas Tree?”

The workshop was conducted by 18Doors, a Jewish organization that focuses on interfaith families. Many participants said it was important to celebrate Hanukkah, a relatively small Jewish holiday, alongside Christmas, to ensure their children felt special and connected to their culture at this festive time. Others said the holiday was an important way to celebrate the light during the darkest time of the year. Others spoke about how the holiday is an opportunity to share Jewish culture and celebration with people outside the religion, regardless of whether they are Christian or of another faith.

They puzzled over selections from the Talmud, a Jewish scholarly commentary on the Torah, and discussed Adam’s initial concern about the growing darkness and his reflections: “Woe is me, perhaps the world around me will become dark because I have sinned.”

Towards the end of the workshop, Lesley Roth raised her hand. She wanted to know how to teach children to talk to young relatives who were expecting a visit from Santa Claus. In Judaism, there are no people who live at the North Pole, she said. A wave of worry spread across the table.

Andy Kirschner, the workshop leader, invoked his own wife and her explanation of Santa Claus to their children: They should imagine Santa Claus as the embodiment of one Mitzvahor act of kindness.

“Santa Claus is an idea that we teach to young children who need to learn to give,” he said. “We give them Santa Claus so that they understand how to receive. And when they’re old enough to know how to do it on their own, they won’t need Santa Claus anymore.”

The room breathed a collective sigh of relief.