This holiday season, let’s take a look at the worst, weirdest, and most perverted Christmas songs ever recorded. This compilation barely scratches the surface of vinyl and cassette releases that have been collecting dust over the last few decades and is just the tip of the always unpleasant iceberg for your listening pleasure.

One The top favorite that makes the rounds every year is a self-released piece from 1979 by Elmo and Patsy, a husband and wife team who made this single hit silly recording called “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” has. The original country-style clunker turned into a Hollywood feature film that no one has ever seen. Willie Nelson even recorded the song for an unforgettable Christmas album. A classic you can smell is Mr. Hanky ​​the Christmas Poo straight from the South Park animated series Commode; It’s a big, fun double dishwasher. There’s nothing funny about a singing bastard wearing a Santa hat.

Speaking of which of stinky songs from the annals of the annual John Waters Christmas Show Extravaganza, Here Comes Fatty Claus, a shitty tune about Santa Claus and his big poop bag. It’s a shitty ditty that’s guaranteed to make you shudder in a festive way. Without being anal or analytical, the only thing worse than explosive diarrhea is Santa’s farting reindeer. And what holiday would be complete without Tiny Tim singing Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer? I like Tiny Tim’s singing style. But like anything strange, it’s a strange taste, like enjoying funny songs about poop and farting, even with ukulele accompaniment.

lux Interior, the late lead singer of The Cramps, made a holiday-themed mixtape, Lux Interior Xmas Tape. It’s a beautiful compilation of everything from Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald to the Ventures. I recently discovered a clip called “Are You Ready to Ring Your Bells?” (Be careful of extremely explicit sexual references.) The woman in the video is a short person in a wheelchair. It could be straight out of a scene from a David Lynch movie. In her defense, she was framed. Then there’s “Jingle Balls”, a rollicking parody of the original version complete with whirling incidents and the like. Testicles and scrotum, be careful. You have been warned.

“Jingle Balls” is the novelty song released in 2001 by a guy named John Valby, but it really sounds more like the 1950s. It sounds somewhere between a lousy limerick and a bad parody, a Christmas carol monologue. Even the cover is directly reminiscent of the style of the 1950s. There are so many other songs that aren’t on my favorite list, like Bing Crosby’s vintage rendition of White Christmas or, even worse, Bing butchering a duet with David Bowie on “The Little Drummer Boy.” Pure disgusting atmosphere.

let us Skip the barking dogs along with another instrumental version of Jingle Bells and the obnoxious cartoon Christmas covers of Alvin and the Chipmunks. People singing after inhaling helium might be funny for a second, but not for an entire album. A real childhood favorite of my generation was “All I Want for Christmas Are My Two Front Teeth” by The Three Stooges. Another silly, surreal Christmas song from these henchmen is “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” I vaguely remember a movie about the three henchmen who saved Santa Claus. I couldn’t find anything. It could have been the band Kiss saving Santa. But it’s just more useless trifle. Who wishes they could forget the Kmart in-store Christmas music recorded here by K Mart around 1974. Then Root Boy Slim celebrates Christmas at K Mart. It will definitely displease the whole family and you won’t have any fun either. There is a flood of strange festive music in the corporate world that is rightly forgotten by the masses of people who get sentimental over the holidays. Who am I to say that a bad Christmas tune can ruin the spirit of the baby Jesus’ birthday celebration? If you believe such things.

Attempt We’re releasing Iggy Pop’s version of White Christmas. Or watch James Brown’s Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto. Talk about extremes. Here’s Frank Zappa with an instrumental from “Xmas Values” and another Zappa oldie from the Mothers of Invention about plastic presents under the tree at Uncle Bernie’s Farm. Here’s Captain Beefheart serenading us with “There ain’t no Santa Claus.” Here James Chance celebrates Christmas with Satan. And another one from Tiny Tim Santa’s Got the AIDS for Christmas. I’ll end it here with my own contribution to the spirit of this season, with a timely song called “Eat the Rich for Christmas.” Eat the rich at Christmas. There are lots of them.