Originally appeared on E! On-line

Trent Williams And Sondra Williams mourning a devastating loss.

The San Francisco 49ers offensive tackle and yoga instructor shared this with her son Trenton O’Brien Williams Jr. was stillborn at 35 weeks after losing her twin sister early in her pregnancy.

“It’s been extremely difficult to process the saddest hello and goodbye I’ve ever had to endure,” Sondra wrote on Instagram on December 1. “I welcomed your lifeless 4 pound 8 ounce 18.5 inch long little body at 11:38 p.m.”

She shared that, according to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, Trenton was diagnosed with trisomy 13, a rare genetic disorder that occurs when a person has an extra copy of chromosome 13. Most infants die within the first few weeks of life and only five to ten percent survive their first year of life.

“As much as I tried to prepare for our meeting, I was not prepared and never would be,” she continued. “After losing your twin early in pregnancy, I prayed and hoped that your diagnosis of Trisomy 13 was not true and would not be the fate of my long-awaited beautiful son-Shine.”

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Sondra – who has daughters together Micah15, MaKayla11, and Madison2, with Trent — reflected on the heartbreaking reality of coming home without their little one days before Thanksgiving.

“My heart is heavy,” she wrote. “It’s been quite an adjustment being home without you in my arms. Knowing that I will never be able to see you grow older with your sisters filled my eyes with tears. I can’t describe how I felt without leaving the hospital.” Or how it feels to celebrate Thanksgiving without my baby in my arms. My heart is broken and my arms are empty.

While she mourned the difficult loss of her and Trent, the fitness trainer also rejoiced in the loving moments she shared with her baby.

“Thank God for allowing us to bond for 35 weeks and for giving birth to you so I could hold you in my arms,” ​​she shared. “I am at peace because I know that you will never have to suffer. Even though I will never hear your soft coos and cries or see those beautiful little eyes looking up at me, I am grateful to God for the time I spent with you.”

Sondra previously shared insights into motherhood, especially with daughters at different stages of life.

“It’s such a blessing watching my girls grow,” she wrote on Instagram last November. “Life has so many phases that you often forget how tiring, hard and arduous a phase was until you find yourself in it again. Then you have to remember all the tools you were equipped with then and use them now. Only when you realize that it is like that.” Hard, beautiful and quite adventurous. I guess you could say that’s the beauty of life and growth.”

“It’s crazy how quickly time flies when you’re busy taking care of something you love so much,” she continued. “It is amazing to watch the evolution of human life. Especially my girls.”

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