After the morning’s wind and rain that might have posed a problem for Noah, the skies cleared and Bournemouth dismantled a Manchester United that was as amateurish as any iteration of the last decade or so.

Ruben Amorim’s men were unable to defend, hold or finish the ball. So they failed on those three fundamentals and left their head coach looking unhappy and isolated.

It is a fate familiar to anyone who has held the hotseat at Old Trafford in this post-Sir Alex Ferguson era.

There was also a high comedic element. Before kick-off, United were coached by Carlos Fernandes on defending from set pieces. During the game, Amorim left the technical area so that his assistant manager could supervise it. But – hilariously – Dean Huijsen’s opener came from a free-kick that left him unmarked, and the defender’s goal set the Cherries on pace for a repeat of last season’s 3-0 win.

Amorim has described how the “storm” will come during his young term. Well, after his baffling selection at Tottenham, which saw him give up the initiative by resting key players and end up in the round of 16 in the Carabao Cup, there could be at least a squall looming after that terrible performance.

A popular argument is that the 39-year-old does not yet have the squad to enable his 3-4-3 to function properly. However, when the fundamentals fail, as was the case today, it indicates poor coaching from Amorim and his team.

Bournemouth were simply more convincing in both areas. As Tyrell Malacia strolled down the touchline to the right of Kepa Arrizabalaga’s goal, the defender caught his feet and Andoni Iraola’s men cleared the ball.

The Spaniard’s first save was a regulation attempt from Bruno Fernandes’ optimistic shot from 25 meters out: emblematic of United’s shallowness. The captain and Amad Diallo were the current No. 10 twins, and the latter ran around as much as the former wanted, forging paths that deviated from his assigned right zone.

Joshua Zirkzee was the number 9 who had no chance to pull the trigger. Manuel Ugarte threw the ball towards him, lost his orientation and it bounced off his shoulder, possibly the wind disturbed the flight.

There was no excuse for Bournemouth’s opening goal. Ryan Christie’s free kick from the right landed on Huijsen’s head and he shot past André Onana. Zirkzee, the designated referee, watched criminally as his head coach’s disgust showed.

This made it the sixth game in a row in which United conceded the first goal. A second shot almost followed when Evanilson rebounded from the edge of the box: Onana dived, blocked the ball, but pushed it straight out rather than sideways, and Bournemouth regretted that there was no-one there for the follow-up.

The plague of a lack of quality at United continued. Diallo beat his captain and Fernandes shot just wide of the penalty spot. Moments later, Kobbie Mainoo released the same player and Arrizabalaga sank a snapshot. From a Diallo corner on the right, Huijsen’s header was cleared in a thicket of bodies.

Amorim, needing to shake up his team, replaced Malacia with Leny Yoro in the second half. But the status quo remained. Zirkzee shied away from a 50-50 against Milos Kerkez, which left Amorim reeling in frustration. Then Onana’s indecision sparked a scare that led to Evanilson stealing the ball and turning the ball into a cross that the players in red were able to nullify.

Amorim acted again. Alejandro Garnacho and Rasmus Højlund came on for Ugarte and Zirzkee, while Fernandes moved back to Mainoo in United’s engine room. The Portuguese hoped this would wake up his stuttering men.

Instead, it backfired. In United’s penalty area, Justin Kluivert shot past Noussair Mazraoui, the sluggish defender beat the Dutchman down, and Craig Pawson had an easy decision despite the inevitable protests to the referee.

Kluivert converted the penalty and United continued to slump. Amorim has previously lamented his charges for losing the ball and the Cherries’ resulting third goal. Mainoo was the culprit almost halfway through. Suddenly the Whites hit the ball to the left to Evanilson, who fed Dango Ouattara. His return was precise and Antoine Semenyo rammed the ball into the goal.

Garnacho summed up United’s dismal performance by running clear and dribbling a weak shot. Marcus Rashford was reportedly here despite being left out of the squad again on matchday due to a ‘selection’ and would have hoped he would do better.

At the end, the PA speaker wished everyone a “Merry Christmas”. Things won’t be too happy for Amorim right now.