WASHINGTON (AP) — The decorated Special Forces soldier who died by suicide in a Cybertruck explosion on New Year’s Day confided in a former girlfriend — who had served as a nurse in the Army — that he was suffering from significant pain and fatigue , which they believed were the main symptoms of a traumatic brain injury.

Green Beret Matthew Livelsberger, 37, received the Bronze Star five times, including one with a V symbol for bravery under fire. He had an exemplary military career around the world and had given birth to a newborn last year. But he struggled with the mental and physical demands of his service, which forced him to kill and led him to witness the deaths of other soldiers.

According to a U.S. official who spoke on condition of anonymity and provided details that were not made public, Livelsberger dealt with this burden largely in private but recently sought treatment for depression in the Army.

He also found a confidante in the former nurse, with whom he has been dating since 2018.

Alicia Arritt, 39, and Livelsberger met on a dating app while both were in Colorado Springs. Arritt had served at Landstul Regional Medical Center in Germany, the U.S. military’s largest medical facility in Europe, where many of the worst combat injuries from Iraq and Afghanistan were initially treated before being flown to the United States

There, she saw and treated traumatic brain injuries (TBI) suffered by troops from incoming fire and roadside bombs. Such injuries are serious but difficult to diagnose and can have lasting effects that may take years to become apparent.

“I saw a lot of bad injuries. But the personality changes can come later,” Arritt said.

In texts and images shared with Arritt, Livelsberger opened the curtain on what lay ahead.

“Just a few concerns,” he said in a text about a deployment to Afghanistan’s Helmand province. He sent her a photo of a graphic tattoo he had inked on his arm showing two bullet-pierced skulls to mark the lives he suffered in Afghanistan. He spoke of exhaustion and pain, insomnia and reliving the violence of his deployment.

“My life has been a personal hell for the last year,” he told Arritt in the early days of their relationship, according to text messages she provided to the AP. “It’s refreshing to have such a nice person there.”

On Friday, Las Vegas police officials released excerpts of messages left by Livelsberger indicating that Livelsberger intentionally killed himself. This was intended both as a “wake-up call” and to “purify the demons” he faced, living from the loss and kidnapping of comrades.

Livelsberger’s death outside the Trump Hotel in a truck manufactured by Elon Musk’s Tesla company has raised questions about whether it was an act of political violence.

Officials said Friday that Livelsberger appeared to harbor no ill will toward President-elect Donald Trump, and Arritt said both she and Livelsberger were Tesla fans.

“I also had a Tesla that I rescued from a junkyard in 2019 and we worked on it together and enjoyed it,” Arritt said.

The couple stopped talking regularly after their split in 2021 and she hadn’t heard from him in more than two years when he texted out of the blue on December 28 and again on December 31. The optimistic news included a video of him driving the Cybertruck and another of his dancing headlights; The vehicle can synchronize its lighting and music.

But she also said Livelsberger felt things “very deeply and I could see him using the symbolism” of both the truck and the hotel.

“He wasn’t impulsive,” Arritt said. “I don’t think he’s doing it impulsively, so I would guess he probably made it up.”

Arritt served on active duty from 2003 to 2007 and then was in the Army Reserves until 2011. In Livelsberger’s case, she noticed symptoms of a traumatic brain injury as early as 2018.

“He went through withdrawals and struggled with depression and memory loss,” Arritt said.

“I don’t know what made him do it, but I think the military didn’t help him when he needed it.”

But Livelsberger was also sweet and kind, she remembers: “He had a really deep inner strength and character, and he just had a lot of integrity.”

Pentagon deputy press secretary Sabrina Singh told reporters Friday that all of Livelsberger’s medical records have been turned over to local law enforcement and urged troops with mental health issues to seek treatment through one of the military’s support networks.

“If you need help, if you feel like you need to seek some type of mental health treatment or just want to talk to someone – look into the services available, either on base or off base,” Singh said.

When Livelsberger had difficulties during their relationship, Arritt urged him to get help. However, he declined, saying that if he were found to be medically unfit, it could cost him his ability to serve.

“There was a lot of stigma in his unit, they were, you know, big, strong special forces people, no weakness was allowed and mental health is weakness, they saw that,” she said.

CNN first reported that Livelsberger was seeking treatment for depression.

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Associated Press writer Rio Yamat in Las Vegas contributed.