JOAN CARBUNKLE (50), NBC Standards. Red lipstick, gold cross and a pillbox hat. Attacking a script with a RED PEN. “Do you see that? I know it looks like an ordinary red marker, but this one is special,” Carbunkle tells author Michael O’Donoghue. “It protected America for almost a decade. It is a weapon against vulgarity, sex, communism and paganism.”

1

Please revise “You piece of shit” and let’s talk about the term “cuck.”

2

Let’s use an alternate line for “I’ll tea bag your corpse.”

3

Lose the line: “I’ll sit on your cock so hard you’ll die.”

4

I’m assuming Mike, Kyle, Sudeikis and Russell Crowe won’t appear in Black-Face?

5

Lose all “tits,” “tits,” and the phrase “Jessica’s tits.” Also have an alternative for “Cowboys and Indians”.

6

Please revise 8 “bitches,” 10 “fucks,” and 9 “n-words” during Future’s musical performance. Let’s also change the 19 “fucks” in his song “March Madness”; 27 “N-words” and 5 “bitch” references. I’m looking forward to a clean version!

7

Totally beeped: “Who shit in my room?” Who the fuck shit in my room?”

8

Scratch “God lives for the hangover” and let’s discuss options that don’t focus on female/male genitals.

9

Please revise 1-800-Pubes for Kids as it does not fall within our pre-approved phone number range.

10

Be careful with the staging as Pete sucks the poison out of Dwayne Johnson’s butt and simulates the standing “69” position. I would avoid direct contact “from head to crotch”. Flirt with the portrayal of them “going to town” without accurately portraying it.

11

Please delete “me lickyballsalotta”.

12

Please make sure Madonna’s areolas are not visible. (This is Jost’s personal favorite.)

13

In the “OJ/Grease Mash-Up Musical” – rework the last beat of the song: “He killed Ron Goldman / Like a stabby stabby slashy slashy stabbady-slashy-do / And then his ex-wife / Like a stupid, stupid.” , razor-sharp guy.” razor-sharp jabady-stabby-do.”

Norm Macdonald would have been proud of the latter.