By: Brande Victorian | Photography by: Kanya Iwana

At 11 a.m. on a Wednesday, I’m on the phone with Tia Mowry and listening to her sing the lyrics to Mariah Carey’s “Butterfly.”

“‘Spread your wings and prepare to fly,'” she sings before remembering how she cried while driving home from her best friend’s house on October 4, 2022 – the day she publicly announced her separation from her ex – the single from 1997 sang. Husband Cory Hardrict. “Butterflies are my thing,” Mowry, 46, continues. “I have a tattoo of a butterfly and whenever I see one, no matter where I am in the world, I always think: I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

Still, it was a process for her to realize that being a single co-parent to son Cree, 13, and daughter Cairo, 6, was the goal of her association with Hardrict. Mowry met the actress when she was just 20 years old; The two were together for a total of 22 years, including 14 years married. It wasn’t until Mowry began to have a better relationship with herself that she says she was able to make the difficult decision to leave her marriage – and do so with a sense of peace.

“There are situations in life where many women believe that they don’t have the choice that they do. And it starts with embarking on the journey of understanding who you are—understanding your traumas, your behavior, and loving your inner child,” she says. “Once you start doing the inner work, you will achieve this Aha! Wait a minute – and you’ll look up and say: Wait a minute. I have the choice to live the life I want.”

Mowry has spent most of her life in the public spotlight. She became a celebrity at the age of 15 thanks to the success of the ABC sitcom Sister, sister– in which she starred alongside her twin sister Tamera Mowry-Housley. Since then, she’s maintained a healthy balance between privacy and transparency with the media and her fans, and in recent years has spoken out about everything from postpartum depression to the realities of getting older.

“I remember the first time in my career when I became vulnerable,” Mowry recalls. “That’s when my book came out A Whole New You: How Real Food Changes Your Life for a Healthier, More Beautiful You: A Cookbook. I shared my endometriosis journey. I remember sitting in New York with publications and being so nervous and scared. But from that moment on, I learned that sharing your vulnerability is what connects you with others.”

Mowry’s divorce was finalized in April 2023 and she immediately opened up to her fans about her experiences as a newly single woman. She first poked fun at dating in her 40s on TikTok; and she launched the eight-part documentary Tia Mowry: My next actwhich premiered on We TV last October. In the series, she chronicled her life after the breakup.

“Divorce is very common,” Mowry says of the decision to share this chapter so publicly. “It’s something that a lot of people experience but don’t talk about because there’s an embarrassment behind it and so many other negative feelings that come with it. I’m not saying divorce is great because it sucks, but it is a part of our lives. It’s not something we can all run away from.”

Her decision not to imitate her favorite insect, the caterpillar – which retreats into a cocoon until it transforms into a beautiful, colorful creature – has drawn some criticism. On social media, people started picking out scenes from her and her ex’s appearance on the OWN series in 2017 Black love (which ended in 2022), looking for clues as to what went wrong and placing ill-informed blame on both sides. Mowry was also accused of “thirst-taker” because photos of her smiling and wearing a swimsuit on vacation did not conform to public expectations of a repressed divorcee. Some even accused her of pretending to be single to save face and advised her to go back to her ex.

“What’s really unfortunate is when people project their life onto you and make it their truth,” Mowry says. “It’ll shake me up for a minute, but then I’ll get through it – because I realize that at the end of the day it really has nothing to do with me.”

On her reality show, Mowry was seen laughing with her assistant, trying speed dating for the first time and browsing Raya profiles with friends. There were also scenes where she shed tears over the realities of a solo life with the women she calls her “found family.”

“There are moments when it just gets too hard,” admits Mowry. “There are moments when you feel like you can’t breathe anymore. There are moments when you feel like you’re underwater. But then you can’t be afraid to ask for help. Then you can not be ashamed to share what you are going through with your community. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked to my best friend, who has known me since I was 12 years old. She saw my development in its purest and rawest form. And when I felt like I was drowning, I would always turn to her and she would say to me, “Tia, you’ve come so far.” ”

Mowry has also leaned on her nuclear family — including her twin sister Mowry-Housley and her sister-in-law Zandy Mowry, who is married to her brother Tavior. “There’s this special bond that we will always have and that will never leave us,” Mowry says of her sister, clarifying previous comments that the two were no longer as close as they once were. “What I meant was that she’s not as accessible to me as she used to be. That’s a part of life. Change is constant,” she adds. “But change doesn’t mean something is wrong.”

Acceptance of impermanence was one of the cornerstones of Mowry’s courage in the midst of such a major life change. “There is a quote from this book that I read Brave New You: A Guide to Believing More Is Possible by Cory Allen, and it sticks with me: ‘Stay curious, present and disconnected’ – that’s how I’m moving through life right now,” she explains. “That means time is borrowed. My children’s time with me is borrowed. My life is borrowed. My therapist helped me with this perspective. She said, “When you know you’re borrowing something, you treat it differently.” ”

When Mowry thinks back to the woman she was two years ago, fearful of the future, she sees a completely different person than the one she is now. “I am at peace with myself. I am happy with where I am in my life,” she says. “I feel so much gratitude. I am more present. I lived in the past. (And) I lived in the future and always tried to plan what my life should be like. But now that I’ve learned about change – that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you plan, no matter how hard you work – change will always happen – I’ve been thinking about living in gratitude for where I am What lies ahead of me now? And I’ve never lived in that state of mind.”

This also includes being truly happy being single; and put the relationship apps aside for a while. “Solitude is where the magic happens,” Mowry says of a dating break. “I read books and learned more about what love is. I want to learn more about myself, my triggers, why I behave the way I do, what my traumas are, what my attachment styles are – learn more about what love really is before I go out again.”

What may seem like a small revelation is a big declaration for a woman who was taught that her purpose in life was to please a man. “My purpose in life now is to continue to build a relationship with myself,” Mowry says. “We have a lot of podcasts, movies and all that about loving partners, but that’s not the only dynamic of love. You can also find love when you love yourself.”

CREDITS:

Hair: Marquita Lynch with BaBylissPRO and Paul Mitchell
Form: Anton Khachaturian on Cloutier Remix
Nails: Kim Truong uses Gelish Cream Gel at Star Touch Agency
Stage design: Priscilla Lee, photography assistants: Kenny Castro and Jeremy Eric Sinclair Digital technician: Aaron Norman
Fashion assistants: Joi Holmes & Lidiia Sarukhanian
Set wizard: Ryan Moerer
Production manager: Cecilia Alvarez Blackwell
Production assistants: Aaliyah Henderson and Ernie Torres
Post production: Sam Nandez
Location: Apache